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October 8, 2014

We had our first dress run of act one last night! What a rush it was! It’s currently 11:10 AM on Wednesday, October 8, and call is in about an hour. I’m just chilling in the hotel resting up before we start off the run of act two with costumes today! Holy hell, I have a fast mother fucking quick change, it’s not even funny.

Things seem to be getting a little better with the cast. I’ve just learned that I really just have myself. If I’m invited, cool! If not, then that’s nice. Everyone is having fun, and to be honest, so am I. But I also had a very interesting conversation with my big yesterday about this show possibly being my last performance. I don’t know if it’s what I want to continue doing, but it could be the company that doesn’t make me feel as welcome. As an introvert, I’m not going to be going around asking to be invited to things cause I can find happiness in being alone and popping on a movie or just listening to music. 

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October 5, 2014

Day 3 of technical rehearsals for the national tour of Anything Goes and I think it’s going fairly well. The work behind it all is amazingly produced, but definitely a lot of hard work. 

Aside from that, I feel like I’m not close to the cast at all. I guess it’s just weird that I haven’t made any connections that I feel great about yet. I always feel like I’m just there and nobody notices my presence. It’s like elementary and middle school all over again. I’m never the type of person to just up and go and make an effort. I always think that friendships form over bonding, but how can a bond happen when I’m just out on the side. Yeah, I may not be the most outgoing person to just spark a conversation, and maybe that’s the issue. I don’t want to change myself to create a friendship by any means, but it does get lonely. I’m not bitter in the slightest that people have friends, I’m just sad to think that it’s been about four weeks and I haven’t really formed anything with anyone yet. I’m not here to bitch and moan and complain over the fact that I don’t get invited to hang out with other cast members or anything, I’m just venting over the fact that I, as a person, don’t really fit in with the cast that I’ve been fortunate enough to be a part of.

Having Rachelle on tour definitely makes me a feel a little better, but I guess I’m just missing my family, OG5, and my brothers a lot right now. And it’s that whole thing of the cast list. (maybe I’m overthinking this and creating things that actually don’t exist, but I’m not a principal character nor an ensemble member, so it’s difficult to really have the time to mesh with the principals or the ensemble) I do enjoy my personal space, but seeing people have fun just tells me that I can have fun too.

I thoroughly do enjoy this cast, but I just feel down in the dumps at the moment and I feel like I’m alone and being left behind in the dust. It doesn’t feel good after coming from a good year at UCI, but that’s life, right?

Well, I’m done moping around for now.

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September 13, 2014

It’s almost time for rehearsals to begin! It’s Saturday, 5:14PM EST and I’m not going to lie, I’m missing home quite a bit. I’ve been here a little over a week and my mind has been all over the place. From dance classes, to shows, to figuring out how to live in Harlem, to making dinner and not eating out so much, and finally, to rehearsals, my brain hasn’t the time to really ground myself from the moment I landed last Thursday.

It was awesome, though, that about two days ago, Rachelle Manookian came and visited from DC! It was much needed. Familiarity goes a long way, and seeing the same people in a different state is probably not ideal, especially for me. I love me some Rachelle, not manooks, but she’s said he best herself, that she’s clingy. And I’m a person that loves to sit in my room for hours upon hours and just watch movies or tv! I don’t need company since I find the best in myself whenever I’m alone in a safe environment. :)

I can’t wait for rehearsals to begin, though. I’m excited to dive into the rehearsal with only two weeks until I leave for tech! Well, until next time! 

I definitely miss my family. So much. 

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September 3, 2014

It’s literally 1:50 in the morning right now and I’m sitting in my bed in Irvine..probably for the last time in a long time. There are butterflies the size of Texas in my stomach because I am so nervous to be moving across the country for the National Tour of Anything Goes. I’m legit freaking out and stressed the eff out over packing, moving, and rehearsing. I haven’t even started rehearsals, but I already know it’s going to be a doozy. My brain is all over the place and I can’t even focus on one little task before jumping onto the next one. I can’t eat, either. But, I can drink!

Not going to lie, I’m a little bummed my mom won’t be taking me to the airport tomorrow and seeing me off, but what else is new? I guess I have to grow up at some point, right? Independence is key, but again, I’m so afraid of being alone. That may also be one of the reasons why I think moving to New York City with just two suitcases, a backpack, and a pair of tap shoes is probably the scariest thing to do at 22. Sure, Rachelle will be with me, but she’ll be across town and then some! I’ll be relying on my independence for most of this journey - until we start touring, that is. This month will be so much fun, but so very stressful. So very. 

But anyways, I guess I’ll keep updating this tumblr throughout the process! Maybe I’ll look back and see my thoughts and think, “wow, you freaked out over nothing.” Or worse, “wow, you thought it’d be way easier.” Either way, I’m ready! There’s no going back and I’m just going to put on my big boy pants and accept the fact that I’m leaving Irvine. I’ve done what I can, for now, and I’ll be back a stronger man, mentally and emotionally.

9/3/14 1:55AM

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